Pittiful Fighting Leaves Girl Homeless

Today I have been kicked out of my house. I have no cell phone, which is both a good and a bad thing. Good, because they can't travk me down using my GPS locator or the cell phone towers, bad, because I can't get help as easily. Maybe I'll steal a phone and use that. I'm at the library, writing this on paper, and when I'm done, I'll post it online. Then maybe I'll have a clear enough mind to read my book.

I don't lead a bad life. I have morals, rules, priorities... I think my parents think I have abandoned them or something because they are not hte same morals, rules and priorities that they want me to have. I don't smoke, do drugs, and you can hardly say that I drink, even if I do enjoy it. I haven't had sex, and am repelling all above invitations. I do not judge others for what they do to their bodies, but I also choose not to participate. I don't see what my parents think is wrong with me. The most I have ever done is failed grade 9 French and skipped classes. Whoopee-doo. I'm slowly starting to feel as if the voice in my head becoming my own. Don't ask why, don't even ask why it wasn't in the first place. I have no fucking clue.

This all started because I made a call to 911 to keep Donald from getting the shit kicked out of him. That led to me being banned from seeing him anymore. Kristy sleptover, and oh yeah, I got my hair cut. Both thing my father hates me doing. Anyways, my little bitch ass sister decided to be stubborn and try to make me put the monitor back on the table because she wanted to use the computer (we slept in the basement and using the computer on the floor is easy becasue we have a flat monitor and a wireless mouse & keyboard). I know it was va power game becasue, guess what. Instead of taking two seconds to do it herself, she came up the stairs, yelled at me, got my father to yell at me, then made me go downstairs to do it, and yelled at me some more. A two second job turned into a five minute fiasco because my little sister wanted to prove she had control.

I HOPE YOU ARE FUCKING HAPPY MEAGHAN!

So, now I am without a cell, with two overeacting parents, a sister who deserves to die, and I'm in the mood for cutting.

Oh yeah, may I include that my father has decided to "pin"my behaviour on Matt, Dave & Don? He went as far as calling them my "heros". As if! I DO NOT look up to them, or anyone, really, for that matter. They are my friends, not my role models. Enough said.

My father used to be my "hero", until I realised what a phycotic, ticking-time bomb of firey anger he is. It's pathetic.

I have half a mind to go out, get wasted, then high, maybe even laid, and if I do I hope I get pregnant. Then I can go get an abortion. All of that just to show him how harmless I used to be, how I was a good kid who stood up for what she believed in, knew her limits, and tried her hardest to be kind to everyone. Obviously that girl isn't good enough to be "daddy's little girl", so fuck her. I should shut her up and throw er down a well and make her pay. Too long I've been kind. Too long I've tried hard. And just because my main priority isn't school right now dosn't mean I'm not any good.

Fuck him. I don't want to go home anymore.

Insanity

How to know when you are going insane..

-First, your typing goes.. Typos and misspellings everywhere
-Then goes your vision.. If you already have glasses, then you can consider yourself a special case
-After that little voices start talking to you... The more, the better
-You start waking up not knowing where you are, even though you are positive you haven't consumed anything that could possibly alter your mind
-Mysterious murders are connected to you
-Congratulations, you are clinically insane!

Note: If your coffee mug dissapears and if found elsewhere, don't worry, it's just your co-workers playing a trick on you. If you do end up going insane, they will be the first to die..

Kristy.. LMFAO

Ok.. had to have another post today..

Kristy, ultimatly one of my best friends and true confidants. No day is boring if the two of us are togeather. This isn't so muc of a rant as it is a rave, cause I love her so much. ^.^

We're talking on MSN and I'm going to suprise her with this new post as soon as it's done and hopefully she'll be happy she gets an enitre post dedicated to her... mwahaha.. one day we shall rule the world, if we don't die in the movie theater during the credits of Constantine.

We're leaning towards tylenol, but the thought of cough syrup, as suggested by a website, looks fun as well.

Maybe Matt will come. If he does we're sure to get kicked out of the theater cause we're ticking him to death.. we should buy Skittles, and overdose on those :P

Ohhh.. Bobby's on.. hopefully he can come to the movie, too ^.^

Tootles!

Suicide

There's always some reason for not wanting to go on. Have you ever felt like nothing could ever get better? I know lots of people get temporary depression from things like fights with parents or breaking up with boyfriends/girlfriends, but that really isn't a reason to be depressed. One fight with your parents because they wouldn't let you go to a dance is nothing.

But, if you've had depression since you were a little kid, as I have, not a lot can be argued on the level of suicidal thoughts. My happiness comes directly from the happiness of others and the praise I get for making others happy. When someone is sad, it makes me sad. If I'm sad, then being reminded that I make others feel better make me feel better, too. Of course, there are those few who I'd be happy seeing miserable..

Brooke, Andrew..

To name a few.. Shall we go on a hunting spree?

Not to mention the fact that those people make my life shit. So I don't really care about them. Their misery is my happiness.

Why I'm depressed? To name a few things, I just attended a funeral. Cami.. I loved him, I'll talk about him later.. I found out a friend of mine is really sick.. I'm worried about her. Donald has taken up smoking, much to my dismay. I don't get to see my boyfriend, Bobby, as much as I'd like to, and I miss him. I'm slowly going insane, I swear. I think I'm seeing things and that fucking scares me. Oh yeah, to top it all off I feel like shit 24/7.

Oh well, hopefully things will get better. But that bottle of Tylenol keeps looking more and more friendly...

WTF??

My sister is one of those people who make people want to kill themsleves.

Seriously.

"Oh look at me I'm a fucking beauty queen!"
"I can't get my winter coat dirty!"
"Eww! I'm not cleaning the cat box, dirty!"
"It's too cold to fill the bird feeder!"
"He's too fat to be allowed on TV!"
"She chews on her hair so I don't like her"

Whine whine whine whine whine.
Let's see how many people we can isolate and make feel small.
Let's be rude and sarcastic to that teacher.

I had a teacher who had a mental breakdown because my class made fun of her all the time. She was really nice, too, but you could see that she just couldn't take that. I know how she felt. I was treated the same way, by the same people.

I think that kids these days take suicide to lightly. The ones who do the hurting will never, ever know what it's like being on the receiving end. My sister is one of those people. I sit and listen to some of the conversations she has on the phone. Most of them include at least one backstabbing comment towards someone she knows. Why do people talk about others behind their back, anyway? And whats the point of telling others things that you don't know are true? For example, my darling younger sister talking about a fellow classmate who was supposidly pregnant. But remember, she heard this from a friend who heard it from a friend who overheard a conversation and assumed what they were talking about. See? Rumours. It's how they start, it's why they'll never end. Because people are too ignorant to understand.

Why don't we put every asshole and bitch in a situation where they are mentally tortured and have no friends or allies to rely on for comfort. After a year I bet it would be suicide. And yet they look at us like were freaks because we have depression and arn't sociable. Can they not clue in that they are the ones at fault?