Boys Suck

Okay, another entry for another day. This one is also on paper. Sitting in French class trying to block out bad rap music (actually any rap is bad, anyways) O Canada and announcements. Today's rant is about the ironies involved with being dumped. Yes, my boyfriend of six months is no longer my boyfriend. Well, almost six months. Yesterday was the 9th, three days before the sixth 12th of the month in our "relationship". I'm pretty heartbroken, not because we broke up but because of the timing. Yeah, it pretty much sucks. It's like everything is taunting me. Yesterday, right after he said there was no "spark", it's like every couple I saw was making out. Give me a break! On the bus downtown I saw a "no dumping" sign. I went and got some pizza with Karen & the entire time the radio was playing love songs.

I talked to my friend Hunter (who lives in Tallahassee, Florida) for the first time in 3 months. I've really missed him 'cause he's a really good friend, although his mother is paranoid. I met Hunter last year back around March. I used to frequent a chat room that is fairly deserted and few know of. It was my first time using it, and I left it open for a few hours while surfing the net & listening to Evenescence (the room was empty). Hunter logged in around this time under the alias of "Retro". We talked about the coincidence that we were about the same age and it was our first time in the room. We became friends and eventually swapped phone numbers after a few months. We've talked on the phone twice... I've picked up the bill for both. He calls me his "sweet pea:, and we act as phychs for eachother. His favorite rant is about this girl he really likes, Rae. Anyways. The point is that yesterday of all days was the one day I got to talk to him. Not only that but I was listening to a friends CD player this morning and what's in it? Bingo. Evenescene. It's a conspiracy against my sanity I swear.

Even weirder is that I got dumped 3 days before my 6th month anniversary. Three 6's is what again? You guessed it. 666. Wonderful. Now do you believe I'm cursed? No? Well bah humbug to you (yes, I realize it is almost summer, but hey!). What else can I talk about? Oh yeah! The 6 detentions I have received while writing this. I skipped two classes on Friday & was called down midway through writing what is here. Why did I skip you ask? Because of the screaming match I had had with my father the night before. I did not want to sit in a class and have to concentrate

outside of my own mind. French is a sleep class, Art makes me forget. Those were the classes I went to that day. I skipped History & English, periods 2 & 3. Well, 3rd period is technically 4th 'cause lunch is supposidly a period (wonder how you could skip that?).

I think the only good news I have is that I'm going to see Julianna on Saturday with Irena & Jenny. If I'm lucky I'll also get to go shoot paintballs around that weekend with Dave & the guys. Nothing like getting whacked in the head with an explosive canister of paint to make you feel better. I left my book at home. Damnit. Nothjing to do but draw or write. I think I'll write. Then you'll have a little bit more to read (and I'll have more to type). 20 minutes till the end of class, can I last that long? Speaking of Dave, he asked me to meet him at lunch (another 85 minutes after this class concludes). Blah blah blah. I've done nothing this period what so ever. Everyone is at the zoo, it's so quiet and empty here. Bob is one of the many. I want to be at the zoo. Not because he is there but because it's a nice day and anything is better than being here. I want to run away as fast as I can, spurt wings & fly forever. Too bad that will never happen. I brought a box with me today to get my stuff out of the locker I shared with him (what a pain in the ass it is). It's a pretty big box but I have alot of stuff. I doubt I'll be eating anything today so I'll have the money to buy a new lock. Stupid lock, stupid locker.

Stupid me.

Stupid everything.

Hopeless.

Yep. That's me. Hopeless.

Everytime I try to help someone, either I or they get hurt. It's 1 in the morning and I'm not in bed. I'm failing 2 out of my 4 courses.

Hopeless.

I hurt a friend when she was upset without meaning to.
I forgot one.
I forgot to take care of myself.
I stopped talking.
I'm not sure if I really want to start again.
I'm hopeless.

I'm never going to be perfect, and not going to ever be what I want, because in one way or another I'll be letting someone down, and then I'm letting myself down.

Everyone has to be happy.

Maybe I don't want anyone to be happy for once. Including myself.

Maybe I don't want to stick around to ever be happy.

Cry for help? Maybe.
Need help? Probably not.
Mental nut case?

Most would associate me as being an attention starved prick.

Perhaps that's what I am, or else I wouldn't be posting this.
Then again, who the hell would ever read this?